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Saving your relationship after cheating
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Saving your relationship after cheating
When infidelity is discovered by either partner in a relationship, it can be a very painful experience for both. There are many definitions for infidelity but they all come down to one thing and that is a breach of trust. In the majority of cases the jilted partner is too hurt to deal with trying to save your relationship after cheating has been discovered, and as a result the relationship ends up falling part. In many instances the person considering cheating may find something lacking in their relationship that can be fixed up before it is too late. Some of the main causes of infidelity are the differences between you and your partner. Perhaps you have a relationship with the most wonderful person who you do love, but perhaps still have different tastes and views on life.
Cheating can strongly affect your relationship and sometimes saving your relationship after cheating can almost be impossible depending on how much damage was done. When it is found out by a partner that there is an affair it is both heart breaking and embarrassing. Perhaps the partner that was cheated on may feel that they failed the relationship and will feel deeply hurt and angry. Relationships are built on trust and faith and when it is found that a partner is cheating the whole world can seem to be at an end for the other. Saving your relationship after cheating is tricky because there will be a lot of conflict, bitterness, and pain involved. Just as long as it took to build the trust it will now even take longer to get back to the same level again if this is possible at all.
No doubt it will be very painful and hurting for you if you discover that your partner is cheating you. Although it may be easier said than done you should remain calm and try to control the situation. Think about the best way to deal with the situation and find out the ways to save your relationships after cheating. Maybe you are the fun loving type and you have a partner that is more serious. What may happen is that you find yourself being attracted to a similar person in nature to the personality you have. If you find yourself tempted at having an affair you can end up doing irreparable damage to the relationship. If you have found the opposite where your partner was having an affair, then work out why it happened which is the first step to saving your marriage after cheating.
After the discovery of a partner cheating it is quite obvious that you will be shattered, hurt and angry with your partner. It is important to try and cool down and try to know why your partner is cheating you. The reason your partner cheated could just be a fling or mistake on the spur of the moment due to pressures from someone else, alcohol or just a physical passing need. Saving your relationship after cheating is going to perhaps be the hardest thing you will ever do but of you love the person unconditionally then you will happily make the sacrifices.
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7 Responses to “Saving your relationship after cheating”
September 15th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I have a daughter and I am pregnant with my next child but 3 months pregnant I find out the ex girlfriend who apparently my bf was best friends with has been sleeping with him. From the start. Its 2 months on and I am still so so angry. I am trying to have a calm pregnancy but I just feel like I want to kill him half the time. we spend time together, even sleep in the same bed but i cant bring myself to kiss him or anything like it. I just wanted a family, and he swears all he wants is me and this family. But then again its taken him nearly 2 months to cut her out stating it was a 10 year friendship. I really really dont know whether I should cut him out until near the birth when he can be involved in the baby (which will also leave me pretty lonely since I moved to england for him and have no friends or family here just my little girl) or carry on being friends and just avoid each other on the angry days. I dont want to be angry anymore
Its not a nice feeling and just makes me cry 
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:58 am
Hi Miki
I know how you feel and you have my sympathy. It is hard for them to understand how absolutely worthless they make you feel when they cheat on you and the hurt can take years before you feel better about it. The only thing you can do is to evaluate your relationship – is he worth hanging on to? Apart from what has happened – has he been good to you and are the two of you good together? Only you will know whether you will one day be truly able to forgive him for this. I do hope that you will manage to work it out for yourself sooner rather than later.
Cassie
November 19th, 2008 at 5:32 am
I cheated on my wife of 15 years and after being confronted by it, it has made me the saddest man alive. I watched her cry and be angry about it and nearly end our relationship. Three years have past and we are still trying to get past it. Her feelings for me I know have changed and mine has chnaged for the better. I don’t feel sorry for her, I LOVE HER. I always have, stupidity got the best of me and even though she has not fogiven me, I will not walk out on my family. She has said things that have made me very andgry, but I think it’s being said out of anger. I know that loving a person out of guilt is wrong, but it’s not that with me, I genuely love this woman and and I hold on because I kow she loves me. If she didn’t, she would have left me three years ago. I try everthing to make her happy, but also feel like I am being used. She is only happy or content when shopping and or talking about buying something. At least thats how I see things. I mean this letter can go on and om, but I will end it here cause it’s getting late and I feel like crying because i am trying my best to keep this family together, but feel like I am losing this battle. …….HELP.
November 19th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hi Halo
Thank you for your comment. You have my sympathy my friend. Unfortunately the after effects of cheating is not something that can be wiped out overnight. Sometimes it is a long hard struggle and you may well get to the point where you wonder if it is even worth going on. Some people will take back the spouse that cheated for their own reasons, but some can become quite vindictive and will make you pay for a long, long time. I wish there was an easy answer but their isn’t.
At the end of the day, yes, you were the guilty one but you have paid your dues – you don’t have to keep on feeling guilty for eternity. There comes a time when there has to be forgiving and forgetting and letting go – and it sounds like your wife is not there yet by a long shot.
So, you have to ask yourself – do you want to stay and be abused or do you create a new life for yourself?
Or – can you do some little things that will make your wife love you again? Things like making her a cup of tea in the morning before you go to work, kissing her hello and goodbye, picking her a flower and telling her you love her. There are many small things you can do to try and win back her affection if you are serious about making it work. And then you just have to have the patience to wait for it to pay off – even if she pisses you off. Especially then it is important to carry on doing the little things.
If that does not work after giving it a few months – well, then you should re-assess what you want from life.
I wish you well.
Cassie
December 11th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
We have been together for 6 years and recently found out that he had a secret relationship for the last year and a baby. Although he loves his baby a lot, both him and his new partner are very uncertain that they want to be together. He claims he is depressed, loves me a lot and that it hurts him a lot of what he has done to me. He is scared of letting me go but realises that he has caused a lot of damaged. I am still in shock but my love for him is so deep. I just don’t know how to deal with it all. I am not angry(yet)as we talked a lot and it is so complicated, my initial reaction is to cut all ties with him for me to move on but I feel lost and dont feel that i am in the right mind set to make good decisions…any advice??
January 10th, 2010 at 7:37 am
I cheated on my wife and we’ve been together for 14 years and married for 7 years. I am no longer seeing this women and after two years just got a call from her to say when am i palnning to care of my child. I told my wife and she tried to search for this women and manged to get. She sees the child and she’s says is mine. My wife is sooooo…………. ANGRY with me. Please tell me if there is a chance of forgiveness and work things out with my wife. I do not want to lose my wife because i love my wife. it was a spare of the moment not because i am not happy with my family. Please advice on how to get things back to normal.
February 22nd, 2010 at 7:26 am
i cheated on my partner the whole relationship. but it wasnt volentary. it started 5 years ago i was only a young teenager and he was 16 years older than me. i did fall for him in the beginning but 5 months later, i found out i was pregnant. he made me get an abortion at 11 and a half weeks. after that, everytime i tried to call it off he would threaten me or emotional manipulate me. 2 years ago, i found my partner that i knew he was the 1 the minute i saw him. I thought the other guy would be ok with me finally being with someone. but he wasnt and it kept going. i didnt enjoy it 1 bit. but i couldnt bring myself to tell my partner, i didnt want to hurt him. but like i said before everytime i tried to end it, he’d threaten me. so i caved in, and it kept happening. but the other night, his partner found out it had been happening under her roof and she made me tell my partner at 2am. it broke my heart to see him crying. i thought he was going to leave me. and he said he was close. but i explained everything to him and he said most of his anger towards me and all put on the other guy. he wants to give our realationship another go and get the trust back. but how long can this take? i am pregnant with his baby. and its due in 3 months. i dont want it coming into a family of arguing or hurt. it breaks my heart to know i really hurt him, and he says he forgives me…. but how can i be sure? i feel so much guilt. but i love him with all my heart. i just want it back to normal before this baby comes into this world
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