Comments on: Saving your relationship after cheating

By: rach

rach — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 07:26:04 +0000

i cheated on my partner the whole relationship. but it wasnt volentary. it started 5 years ago i was only a young teenager and he was 16 years older than me. i did fall for him in the beginning but 5 months later, i found out i was pregnant. he made me get an abortion at 11 and a half weeks. after that, everytime i tried to call it off he would threaten me or emotional manipulate me. 2 years ago, i found my partner that i knew he was the 1 the minute i saw him. I thought the other guy would be ok with me finally being with someone. but he wasnt and it kept going. i didnt enjoy it 1 bit. but i couldnt bring myself to tell my partner, i didnt want to hurt him. but like i said before everytime i tried to end it, he’d threaten me. so i caved in, and it kept happening. but the other night, his partner found out it had been happening under her roof and she made me tell my partner at 2am. it broke my heart to see him crying. i thought he was going to leave me. and he said he was close. but i explained everything to him and he said most of his anger towards me and all put on the other guy. he wants to give our realationship another go and get the trust back. but how long can this take? i am pregnant with his baby. and its due in 3 months. i dont want it coming into a family of arguing or hurt. it breaks my heart to know i really hurt him, and he says he forgives me…. but how can i be sure? i feel so much guilt. but i love him with all my heart. i just want it back to normal before this baby comes into this world

By: Jerome

Jerome — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 07:37:48 +0000

I cheated on my wife and we’ve been together for 14 years and married for 7 years. I am no longer seeing this women and after two years just got a call from her to say when am i palnning to care of my child. I told my wife and she tried to search for this women and manged to get. She sees the child and she’s says is mine. My wife is sooooo…………. ANGRY with me. Please tell me if there is a chance of forgiveness and work things out with my wife. I do not want to lose my wife because i love my wife. it was a spare of the moment not because i am not happy with my family. Please advice on how to get things back to normal.

By: Mia

Mia — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:38:16 +0000

We have been together for 6 years and recently found out that he had a secret relationship for the last year and a baby. Although he loves his baby a lot, both him and his new partner are very uncertain that they want to be together. He claims he is depressed, loves me a lot and that it hurts him a lot of what he has done to me. He is scared of letting me go but realises that he has caused a lot of damaged. I am still in shock but my love for him is so deep. I just don’t know how to deal with it all. I am not angry(yet)as we talked a lot and it is so complicated, my initial reaction is to cut all ties with him for me to move on but I feel lost and dont feel that i am in the right mind set to make good decisions…any advice??

By: admin

admin — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:33:20 +0000

Hi Halo

Thank you for your comment. You have my sympathy my friend. Unfortunately the after effects of cheating is not something that can be wiped out overnight. Sometimes it is a long hard struggle and you may well get to the point where you wonder if it is even worth going on. Some people will take back the spouse that cheated for their own reasons, but some can become quite vindictive and will make you pay for a long, long time. I wish there was an easy answer but their isn’t.

At the end of the day, yes, you were the guilty one but you have paid your dues – you don’t have to keep on feeling guilty for eternity. There comes a time when there has to be forgiving and forgetting and letting go – and it sounds like your wife is not there yet by a long shot.

So, you have to ask yourself – do you want to stay and be abused or do you create a new life for yourself?

Or – can you do some little things that will make your wife love you again? Things like making her a cup of tea in the morning before you go to work, kissing her hello and goodbye, picking her a flower and telling her you love her. There are many small things you can do to try and win back her affection if you are serious about making it work. And then you just have to have the patience to wait for it to pay off – even if she pisses you off. Especially then it is important to carry on doing the little things.

If that does not work after giving it a few months – well, then you should re-assess what you want from life.

I wish you well.

Cassie

By: halo ortiz

halo ortiz — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 05:32:49 +0000

I cheated on my wife of 15 years and after being confronted by it, it has made me the saddest man alive. I watched her cry and be angry about it and nearly end our relationship. Three years have past and we are still trying to get past it. Her feelings for me I know have changed and mine has chnaged for the better. I don’t feel sorry for her, I LOVE HER. I always have, stupidity got the best of me and even though she has not fogiven me, I will not walk out on my family. She has said things that have made me very andgry, but I think it’s being said out of anger. I know that loving a person out of guilt is wrong, but it’s not that with me, I genuely love this woman and and I hold on because I kow she loves me. If she didn’t, she would have left me three years ago. I try everthing to make her happy, but also feel like I am being used. She is only happy or content when shopping and or talking about buying something. At least thats how I see things. I mean this letter can go on and om, but I will end it here cause it’s getting late and I feel like crying because i am trying my best to keep this family together, but feel like I am losing this battle. …….HELP.

By: admin

admin — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 11:58:44 +0000

Hi Miki

I know how you feel and you have my sympathy. It is hard for them to understand how absolutely worthless they make you feel when they cheat on you and the hurt can take years before you feel better about it. The only thing you can do is to evaluate your relationship – is he worth hanging on to? Apart from what has happened – has he been good to you and are the two of you good together? Only you will know whether you will one day be truly able to forgive him for this. I do hope that you will manage to work it out for yourself sooner rather than later.

Cassie

By: Miki

Miki — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 22:25:58 +0000

I have a daughter and I am pregnant with my next child but 3 months pregnant I find out the ex girlfriend who apparently my bf was best friends with has been sleeping with him. From the start. Its 2 months on and I am still so so angry. I am trying to have a calm pregnancy but I just feel like I want to kill him half the time. we spend time together, even sleep in the same bed but i cant bring myself to kiss him or anything like it. I just wanted a family, and he swears all he wants is me and this family. But then again its taken him nearly 2 months to cut her out stating it was a 10 year friendship. I really really dont know whether I should cut him out until near the birth when he can be involved in the baby (which will also leave me pretty lonely since I moved to england for him and have no friends or family here just my little girl) or carry on being friends and just avoid each other on the angry days. I dont want to be angry anymore Its not a nice feeling and just makes me cry